I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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