Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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