Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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