Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
