he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
