So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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