shes about as inviting as chlamydia
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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