I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
