i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
