Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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