I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
