I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize