Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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