Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
