Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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