HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
