She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
