I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
