My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize