I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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