Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
