Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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