Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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