I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
