I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
