it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
