By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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