So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
