he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
