so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
