So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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