Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize