I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
