and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
