I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
