I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize