through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
