What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
