It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize