anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
