her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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