I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
