This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
