he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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