My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
