Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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