roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
