I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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