my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
