also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
