Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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