you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
