So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
