I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
