Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
