how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
