oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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