well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
