She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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