There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
