I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
