When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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