i'm signing you up for texting rehab
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize