He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
