y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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