i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
