I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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