My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
