Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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