nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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