Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
