This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
