Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
