my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
