I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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