Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You're a disaster
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