you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
high people should be assigned attendants
bring money and cleavage
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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