I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
