You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Randomize
