either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
