I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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