I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
