Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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