Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
