I wish I could teleport
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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