I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
