I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
