fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
