There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
