In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
