I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize