You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
