Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
