Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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