break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
