I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
