I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
