My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
