dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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